Finale of a Broken Theatre

Who said that it's gonna be easy? Who said that it would be so mechanical to narrate a story of a seemed-to-be-tragedy story? No one said... But things happen. We can never tell, for a broken theatre could not make a firm end... it is left to the free flowing minds of the actors, you choose: tragedy or comedy?

there are magical people... so talented that they create fantasies that is so innate in a being to dream of it. they wake up your imagination and open all your senses for the immortality of love... but behold, the fairy comes for favors. a favor of growth to the one who believed the stories. You'll be enchanted.

it wasn't that bad. it was a journey worth learning from. the ride of it, was bumpy.

i was exhausted. i kept on blaming myself for what have happened to my story. it was both tragic and comedic... but it never told of singular theme. i WAS trapped in a fear to decide on things... for the past few weeks, i felt that i don't have the right to decide, for i have become an angel of failure... and a disciple of misery. i lost my confidence. it altered my ego. it deformed my proud self conclusion of narcissism. i thought i was of no self worth... for all the sufferings are all part of the after math of what i have been through... of what i have decided.

in the face of an actor... i don't need to wear a mask, for my role is diverse... and with this i tell you... i was weak, but i'll be strong for my family... for my friends... for all the genuine people, and i mean genuine and practically true people.

i am my own finale and i dream of a plot that i may be able to escape from the past misery.

my mom told me... i just have to accept what have happened, and be no stranger to it. i know, she is more than right... but the trauma and phobia of it.... seems to linger in my blood and any emotions of tragedy would come rush just like an adrenalin... that it turns my life sour and bitter again. i know. it should not be the case. but it was... and i promise that it won't, ever again.

Sequel? Prequel? Damn the plot. it takes more than a year to release another.

'cause time will do the healing.

A Messy Escape

a wish for a day that i could finally speak of life is better... or getting better and better, not bitter and bitter. i could not somehow comprehend why people has to experience unfamiliar circumstances... or at least may seemed unfamiliar to the one experiencing it. Annoying. Heartbreaking. Seductively suicidal.

when they say that life is good... and it all depends on how we see things... is very debatable. can i actually stop the nature of my emotions and the soul in me that screams for help? i don't think so. i am fighting the battle against myself. i know it is the hardest and the greatest battle of them all. but i think i am getting dumber and dumber. this phase is taking me long on a ride and that i am making this frequent excuse to myself and to my mom, and i am getting dizzy already that all i want to do is to step off the journey... to leave things on their perspective without me... inevitably, i made a messy escape.

i do not expect people to understand me nor find me... i don't want to and i never intended to make people worry about me. but that is impossible. they seem to care, and it is overwhelming. thanks though, but it never occurred to me that i am doing it so that they may pity me. unselfishly, i am doing things for my own favor. and when i get to sort things up to myself, i'll be ready to face the world and the challenges that awaits me... and be a blessing to my family and friends.

Thank you and Sorry for the worries. i am aware that i have responsibilities i left... and i am answerable to all of it. i will cope up. i made a pact to the hope that i would.

my life is a bit messy with all the decisions that i have made before and now. i am paying all the consequences. i know, that villains have done their part. thanks again. huh. this is the after math. i'll pick up everything, as much as i can, from my shattered soul and being.

Good night and I hope... i'll see all of yah still.

Movin out. New Domain. Jumpstart.

surfin' through some blog pages... can't help but recognize the word and articulation prowess of different bloggers. some- making things personal just like an on line diary, some-as an artistic outlet, most- therapy, most- just for random thoughts ( don't bother looking at the subtitle of my blog) and others- for a living. well, how i wish i could do the last part as well. hehehe.

movin' out doesn't mean solely leaving, but accepting the fact that there is a need to move on and pay up to pass through another toll to enter a route of a hopeful better road. paying the toll to another road is not just play through... people get to suffer a bit or even suffer more to drastically gain "coins" or "bills" to pass through. i must know. i've been through chaos and drama to regain the better me that was almost lost in a life-trap. it was a self-battle that inevitably dragged my family to understand me. i know, i am such a prick... and what can I do? at least, at the deepest sense of it... in my wildest trouble, my family and friends are there to cheer me.

this may sound so selfish, but i am not owning the thoughts i am writing... we all experience this, in one way or another... 'cause we are in constant search for who we are and what we should be doing.

like a blogger friend i have (i am proud of)... true people admits what they do not like and accepts the decisions she made and took responsibility to it... but at the end of the struggle, what is important is that we kept on hoping...

New Blogs. Better Views. New Domains... these are all mechanisms of survival. It takes a bit or even a lot of courage to do so. The courage to jumpstart everything... and be the utmost person You can be.

Have a good life y'all!

Cameo Everyone?

in my morning routinary activities, before going to school... i never would miss playing a music. so here's another interesting stuff to know 'bout 'muziq', a gossip girl star made a cameo on Leona Lewis I Will Be from the album Spirit: The Deluxe Edition (C) 2009 J Records, a unit of SONY MUSIC ENTERTAINMENT.

I am talking about Chace Crawford. the guy made popular from the TV series of CW, Gossip Girl and the x of Carrie Underwood. yeah. quite a background. He became really famous, but may be not quite enough... so Cameo would be a good resort.

The song could be a hit, and so could he.

Happy (Chinese) New year!

well, gems and stones will be familiar in everyone's wrist or even bag. and predictions would quite entice you to do some reading. at least, this chinese new year is bringing us HOPE. so, Kung Hei Fat Choi!

Too Curious to See His Case

If there are tons of movies that were just being hyped and advertised to tease viewers, there are also movies that were less hyped but strongly recommended by word of mouth. well, i am talking 'bout the movie i posted with this article. i may say, people would really watch the movie aside from the stars... Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett, it is one of the most interesting films made.

I am not a fanatic of classical transition movie set-up, 'cause i am having an impression of boredom. but watching deeply, it was heart pounding and shocking. i don't know if story of such is possible. i am curious.

Imagine to live a life backwards... being oldie at the start of your life, yet wisdom seems to flunk you. then to your death, of becoming a baby? whew. that kinda scares me. You can't grow old with the person you have loved and that you really love. You can't be a witness to a triumph of growth of your own child. You lost your memory as you grow younger. Your death is painful for your story was unknown to you. It was sad and shocking how events can turn your life around.

Good thing, there are some points of the movie that has unknowingly provided people with good thoughts. Weirdness comes in different forms, sometimes it is too tragic to see for others... sometimes it is fun. but most of the time revealing.

others may live a life of a dumb hell of seclusion.
others live with so many parents.
others live with physically exceptional ,in a culture and country that was unknown before.
others live with secrets of identity and preference.
others live alone to run away from their parents and to find themselves.
others lived life with so many stories and gist to tell.
we all know that we are different, but we all know that in this life we have... we LOVE!

the movie taught me one thing as well, people in our lives will come and go. no matter what kind of curious case you have. things and life's nature will stay the same.

(it is a nice movie to watch with someone)

Plea Of An Immortal Soul

i admit. i was so dumb. i was messed up. everything that have happened to me was sad yet it has served its purpose... of learning, and never be again a fool to someone else's life. people have their own fair share of tragedy. you have your sad story to tell, and i have mine. i am young, and it is so sad that people would try to drag with them individuals, to have a taste of misery they had.

one thing for sure. i cared because i really care for that someone. but people who would try to make someone "na-makonsensya" because of what have happened is just so much.

imagine someone telling you, and making you feel that you are the mistake of what he had become. just so heart breaking. and telling you things like you are being ingenuine? wooooooosh

so what am i now? an evil?

i am perfectly happy.... not until some hints of reconnection is trying to haunt me again. it was traumatic. it was and it is. but i have learned and i have grown from there. again, things reveal themselves because they ought to be KNOWN to anyone. so be it. acceptance or rejection? it doesn't matter. people have decided to live separate lives. just learn to respect... respect each other's privacy and decisions.

Shame on me... i lost my confidence in my decisions, and i can say, it made me less for who i think i was... i have realized that i am so dumb and a prick. that i myself have brought this misery to my self, much more to my family. i must admit... i lost my "kumpyansa sa sarili". but i am getting through... i am struggling to regain my strength, to continue MY LIFE, with my family and genuine friends who wouldn't think bad about me.... who wouldn't think that i am being ingenuine.

i represent the immortal soul, of those who are young and vulnerable...
Plea to God for strength to face all the challenges in life.

Plea to your parents for them to lay their untainted support and love.

Plea to your true friends to guide you to a Happy unsecluded life.

Plea to your enemies for them to realize the goodness in you and the goodness that remain in them, and that they may stop to haunt you with what they have to say.

Plea to yourself for you to ultimately win that battle of loneliness and everything that haunts your freedom and peace.

This is my last blog about this. i won't read a blog from someone or to anything reactive to this.

Life will go on. God is good.

Hopeful Recovery

at times, i could not somehow get a sound sleep at all... the memories i had, from the joyous and tragic cuts of my story would somehow haunt me with laughter and fears.
i know, we all have our fair share of struggle... but at the end of the tunnel, we all know, there is light. it's hope.

but rather, the process of hope and recovery is painful... it will be worth it though.

after all, you are a better person because of it. we just have to realize as well, that eating a food could inevitably pat through the bitter buds and even the sweet buds... but whatever the taste of what we eat... it will make us full. full enough that we won't crave for it anymore.

i am hopeful.... that life will recover its peace and serenity. fact: God is the ultimate provider of it. so it will be a reality. people out there needs to learn the strength of letting go. as what they have said, letting go is the most courageous one can do in his entirety of life.

people who kept on clinging that they could again trap an innocent person's life into a dungeon of fantasy and unrealistic/idealistic life... shame on you, for you claim to have God with you... but your hopes are evil, and you know it won't win.

shame on you!

Restless FAITH

if drinking much alcohol can give you hang over... i'll say i have one from the Sinulog mardigra. don't take it negatively though, i am talking about the fun, fun and fun the festivity has offered.
at top of cebu city, you can just witness how people prowl for fun.

well, food is at the top of my list... who can beat the food trip? huh? everyone loves eating and the place got so much to offer, from the cheapest yummiest treats to expensive sumptuous meals. edible pasalubongs are turista's fave... well, kinda obvious. try to go to "taboan", monday after sinulog... you will see how people would try to drag danggit to their homes and brag about the ultimate trip they had.

tiring... yeah, it is. after drooling over the crwth who tried to see and experience themselves of this year's celebration.

but beyond the food, pasalubong, friends hanging out, the lively beat and the festive dance... is our FAITH to Señor Santo Niño. Since 1521, our devotion to the Holy Child has brought so much joy and hope to our land.

Our faith to Him will never die. And never it will rest. Long Live SINULOG!

Mardigra... the ultimate drama

waking in a "desperas" of a mardigra in a cold wind would somehow enchant me with memories of the joyous escapades of the sinulog festival. a lot has changed. people we may know, in an instant could be a stranger.

i am quite hoping though that the real spirit of the celebration is far more beyond the grudges and the sad memories of our past. Things happen for a reason, but that is not an enough reason to lock up a person in evil for life. you might be getting clueless now, but the point here is, our friends of the last sinulog may not be as good as friends this year. sad but true.

i thought this is for everyone. but maybe not, not for me. parties will be there, IF WE HAVE THE REASON TO CELEBRATE THOUGH. this year would maybe pave way to a more subtle theme. the most important thing though is my faith to sto.niño... keep on hoping that there is light after darkness... as what they have said, the night is darkest just before the light of dawn. be happy, be merry, in your faith in GOD.

what i am asking, the strength and enlightenment to move on.

(pictures taken from flicker, public image searches)

HUGS

i think everybody knows that the weather is quite strange right now. Philippines experiencing winter? whew. just a 'lil bit of exaggeration, but yes, don't you think it's kinda cold? i love the feel... and i'm loving the fact of it... energy saver!

but it's quite a hype to HUG. we all need the warmth... jacket and sweaters could be really fashionable but human warmth? is more than rewarding.

i admit, tears would fall every time i think of the hugs i am used to. tragedy in twisted facts would pave way to a new life... to move on. kinda confusing, but the story i will keep in me is far more revealing than a treasure hunt. we, at our younger age, were vulnerable. others may help, others may destroy but will eventually help.

what i'd like to say is that... in life's horror, the feel of HUG, is all we need... in that sense, we will become part of everybody's existence.

Gossip Girl and Twilight... Casting Issues?

teen hypes can actually rule the world... what's hip and cool, you'll find it almost everywhere... and in every teen's mind, and yuppies as well.

Gossip girl got the perfect casting... well, as it progresses, at least. They all looked like moving people in a magazine... an animated MAG. hehehe.

Twilight ruled 2008, of it's bomb success. but I can fuss all i want, this movie got some casting issues. I saw Blair and Chuck's picture from a facebook fan site. they are the perfect twilight couple. whew...

Comments everyone?